According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
