and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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