Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
