you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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