for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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