I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
