So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize