did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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