I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize