you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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