i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
