Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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