Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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