im drinking this country out of the recession.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
