We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I love you. Go after that dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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