I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
