It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
