so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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