she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
