32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
