I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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