We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
