She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
