gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
