I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
