oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
