how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
