he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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