I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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