"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
