Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
is that a dick in a sweater?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
