Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
