What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
