Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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