I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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