we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
