You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
