am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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