Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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