i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
