I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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