TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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