Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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