If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
