Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
COCAINE IS GR8
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
