maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
