I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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