Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
