NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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