Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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