I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
