Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
