there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
