he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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