best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
