Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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