he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
