You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
