well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
