im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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