Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
