just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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