and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
