I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
