Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
