You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
