I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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