Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
