So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
