I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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