yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
