I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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