Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
