3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
