This dress was meant to end up on your floor
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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