need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
