He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
