I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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