i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
