It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
