Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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