Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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